christmas is all around. this makes me smile.

yay, it's almost christmas time. my favourite time of the year.

almost everyone is on holiday at the moment, and the christmas festivities can definitely be felt. shops are busy, buzzing with people frantically trying to finish last minute christmas shopping before the big day (me included), but being the pressure driven individual that i am, of course i wouldn't have it any other way :)
i love the feeling of excitment mixed with intense frustration within the shopping malls. people fighting with shop attendants, followed by stores handing out little free gifts to kids, or the infamous 'photo with santa' stall. i love it. and i love the people in my country.

although where i am, snow is impossible, so we have a very warm christmas, i really wish to one day experience the thrill of a white christmas. however, we are right in the heat of our summer, which i too love. the beach, tanning, and of course, little summer outfits, all look so beautiful in photo memories christmas leaves us with. and don't you just absoultely love all the christmas movies that the television stations broadcast over the holidays. and the music. aahhh.

christmas, for me, is a time to give and be with family. a time where stresses and worries are non-existent guests, and everyone is simply, happy. family (who sometimes never see eye to eye) gather under the same roof, and put their differences aside to enjoy a lovely christmas eve dinner, or christmas day lunch. this is what happens in my family.

this year i am spending christmas eve dinner with my boyfriends family and friends, followed by christmas lunch with my own. so excited.

as for gifts, i must admit for me, giving is way more fun than receiving. don't get me wrong, i love presents. but the whole process of shopping, wrapping, and then the feeling you get watching someone open a present you took the time and effort to put together, is the most amazing part of it all.

so here's to wishing everyone a happy christmas, wherever in the world you my be. may it be a special time with friends and family, filled with love, happy memories, good food and unforgetable moments.

and of course, loads of presents that make you smile :)

learning to appreciate

isn't it funny how often we take things we have in our lives for granted? i have recently, or should i rather say i am currently undergoing a mind and body cleansing process whereby i am forced to focus entirely on my own thoughts. this is what i have learnt.

quite simply. appreciation.

take food for example. we live in a world where there is so much food, freely available - in excess - which we have access to at a dial of the phone, or a quick drive to the supermarket. i, on a daily basis, would simply jump in my car and take a drive to the store as soon as a craving hit. a feeling millions of people around the world will never experience. we, as fortunate and blessed as we are, forget what it means to be truly hungry, to know what it is like to go days without food. despite this excess of readily available food, there are still communites where there is a absence of food for days on end. we forget that food is something to appreciate. and we never will appreciate it, until we have none.

appreciation stretches out to any aspect in life really. in fact, i think the thing we most take for granted in life is not people (although everyone is guilty of doing this) but rather, life itself. we wake up each morning, unaware of our beating hearts, or automatic breathing, and we go through the motions of day to day activities, almost always without taking a step back to appreciate the fact that we woke up to experience another day, see the people we hold close to our hearts, do the things we enjoy, eat, drink, laugh, love. all of which we could never do, if these things that keep us alive had to shut down during our slumber.

so often we worry about silly, insignificant things in the greater picture of life. accounts, deadlines, work, fashion, beauty - and don't get me wrong, all of these day to day things are important, but at the end of the day, when you look back on your life, i guarentee you that you will not think about the account deadline you didn't make in the month of december 2010, or the way your teeth may look after spending thousands on teeth whitening. no, you will think about the people your have loved, and who have loved you back and the memories that were made, most of which were no thanks to monetary gain. your life, the fact that you wake up every morning able to see, breath, walk, listen, talk, feel, smell. simple things which we take for granted, but are the greatest blessings in life. learn to appreciate them. and when you learn to, make sure you make your appreciation known. verbalise it.

"if you don't think everyday is a great day, try going without one" - jim evans.

lifes simplicity

so often we as individuals over think absolutely every intricate detail of our lives. we try super hard to make sense of situations in our minds, that we somehow end up confusing ourselves.  we worry over things, that at the end of the day, ultimately wont matter. ten years down the line you are not going to remember who said what, and people will forget mistakes you made. everyone is trying so hard to put on an act so that they don't come across in a negative light to others, that no one is actually paying attention to what you do. so the sooner you can forget about them (and stop caring about what other people think about you), the quicker you can move on and start living your life. happy.

as my blog entry says. happpiness comes from knowing who you are.  once you find your passion, and feel a sense of purpose in your life you will be happy. and until such a time comes, you are going to find yourself in this place. a place full of confusion, an exhuasted mind from trying to overthink things and ultimately a sense of an unfullfilled life which can only lead to a lack of confidence and self esteem.

so i say stop. stop over analysing what people have said, stop overthinking what people do. your mind has the ability to bring amazing things into your life, if you only give it the chance to be still and do so.  find a passion. surround yourself with things you love, people who inspire you, activities which make you happy. dont try too hard to control your thoughts, for when you do that it'll never really work. it's going to happen without you even realsing. and then you are going to look back and wonder how you even managed to have such negative thoughts in the first place. trust me. you just need to stop thinking so much, and just be. be optimistic and positive.

life is simple. what you give out, you get back and your thoughts become who you are, so start thinking positively, you will be a better person for it.

my happiness list for summer

i woke up this morning with a beautiful sunrise, and a day of sunshine ahead and it made me remember all the finer things in life which makes you smile, and one's spirit feel lighter. so i have decided to make a check list for my summer holidays, of things that make me happy, and i hope that if i am blessed enough, i will be able to experience them all again.

- making new friends, and finding out they are family life has sent your way to teach you about yourself and the world

- hearing someone say something nice about you, or receiving a compliment from a stranger
- seeing people in love, or watching a family enjoying one anothers company and feeling the love that radiates from them

- feeling confident and beautiful 

- watching a sunset

- camping in nature, and waking up to the sound of little animals and birds singing

- laughing until my stomach hurts

- the feeling of falling in love for the first time (or experiencing a deeper love for someone you are already in love with)

- sitting outside and feeling the morning sunrays on my skin

the world is a beautiful, beautiful place with wonderful, kind-hearted people. sometimes we just need to learn to appreciate these things, and we will be amazed at how they will be drawn to us, and us to them. these summer holidays i am going to be able to spend a week camping in nature with my family, which i am really looking forward to. i need to learn to be more in touch with my environment, and being in nature will definately bring me closer to earth.

remember, plant your seed of happiness right now and if it needs to grow slowly, let it be, thats okay. rather be a little happier every day than too much in one day, or not at all for the whole week, which could turn into a month, then even a year. every journey starts with a single step. and happiness, it is a journey

eat. pray. love.

so it has almost been 3 weeks since i last wrote a post, but i have been doing a lot of time consuming activites - all of which make me happy, so there has been little time to really sit down to blog.

this afternoon i went to watch the movie, eat. pray. love (i know i have been very delayed in this matter, but it was definately worth the wait for me and it certainly came at a suitable moment in my life). i truly felt moved by this film and it definately spoke to me in many ways. i am a person who is easily touched by such inspirational films and i feel the emotions and experience them deeply. one thing about this film which i found myself wanting to reach for my notepad and jot things down, were the philosophical sayings and quotes. this is my favourite by far:

"balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself".

this has stuck with me and had me thinking about the meaning for hours after. we so easily settle for second best, putting down our self worth and allowing ourselves to be treated a certain way by others, simply because we fail to believe that we deserve better. and sure, how can we be loved in the utmost way, if we do not love ourselves to a higher degree. so this is what i want to work on, and have sewn tightly onto my heart and mind - and tha is to firstly love myself unconditionally. and secondly, not to allow anyone to love me less than i love myself.

another thing this film opened my eyes up to, was the benefits of meditation and vows of silence. okay, so sure we can't all take time to get away and live in india or bali for a few months, but we all can (yes, you can), set aside a few minutes a day, either in the morning, or before bed, to simply sit and clear our minds and open our hearts - after all, as the film tells us, only when we do this, will the universe be able to enter and fill your mind with its healing powers and energy.

"if you could clear you all that space in your mind, you would have a doorway. and you know what the universe would do? rush in."

finally, it has reminded me to appreciate the simple things in life. things we take for granted, and ultimately will only truly appreciate if we ever had to be without for even a minute. these are things like sight, touch, smell, taste, breathing. then they are people like parents, grandparents, lovers, friends. and even non-objects like time, love, personal space, yout thoughts, and life.
appreciate these things in your life. they are blessings not to be overlooked or taken for granted. they are what makes living bearable, exciting and worthwhile.

wear sunscreen

today has been a very happy day for me. despite being woken up before the scheduled time, by my cat meowing for a reason i will never know, my day turned out wonderful.

i took a drive through to a beautiful suburb, about 20 minutes from where i stay to visit a good friend of mine. we then both went to a womens day function held at a local community centre, which included every possible opportunity to pamper yourself from your head to your toes. hair stylists, make-up artist, mani and pedi's, aromatheraphy massages, reflexology, you name it, it was there. champagne and strawberries welcomed you as you arrived, and directed you to a room full of healthy eats and treats. it was such a wonderful opportunity to spoil myself, and thank my body for everything it does for me every day. we often forget to do this and it is so so important. we all need days like this. a chance to over indulge (which i did) and treat yourself to the best that pampering has to offer.

i, myself began my afternoon talking to a lovely women about health and nutrition and she did a full analysis of my weight, body mass breakdown and general health. it was fascinating and i learnt a lot. i then progressed to receving a manicure - which had me looking at my hands and smiling for the first time in a while (my nails are always in such bad condition. a sign of a hard worker i guess. hands are amazing features, what we would do without them, i have no idea. they hold the hands of those we love, touch the faces of those we admire and are the very parts which open the doors, literally, to our world.

after my manicure, i had a much needed (but somehow painful) back, neck and shoulder massage. apparently i hold onto my stress internally, and that is something i am going to aim to change. thereafter, i had my final treatment, which was reflexology. oh. my. word. it was my first time having it done professionally, which made me realise how much i was missing out on. if you have never had a reflexology treatment, please do yourself a favour and book an appointment for yourself first chance you get. it will change your life. besides, you owe it to your feet - they are the very essence of your life's journey. they take that first step for you, and are with you until your last. this is the part of out body i believe we abuse the most. so treat them.

so the womens day was amazing, and i dont regret a single cent i spent today. i spoilt myself and i deserved it. these are things in life which are essential to our wellbeing and happiness. and you cannot put a price on happiness.

so the sun is shining on my city this evening, and nothing can remove the sense of content i feel within myself today. and to add to this mood, i watched my favourite youtube video of all time. and i want to share it with the world (or at least those very few who have yet to see it).

class of '99 - wear sunscreen by baz luhrmann.

wear sunscreen

nostalgia

oh wow. there is not much else to be said after one has spent an evening rummaging through old letters and photographs contained within two flimsy old shoe boxes covered in outdated wrapping paper. letters and photographs captured from several years back, which kept me entertained for a good few hours. nostalgia was on the menu for tonight, and i got handed a huge serving. not that i am complaining, but there were definitely bittersweet emotions felt this evening.

there is something about this secondary emotion that is drug-like. so i took it upon myself to find a proper definition of the word. this is what hit home for me:
"a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time".
oh my word this could not read more true for what i experienced tonight. now don't get me wrong, i am in love with my current place in time, but there is something about the past that is, as i said drug-like, finding you yearning to go back, just for a moment to relive some of the feelings and have those conversations with people, who have since changed too much for you to relate to anymore like you once did. and you find yourself missing them.

letters are the best things around. i believe in this whole-heartedly. they are time captures, raw and real. there is no e-mail, no text message or any other modern technological device that could replace receiving a letter from someone. and when you go back and read it, years later, you see their handwriting, their scibbles in the corners of the page, you feel as though you have been taken back in time to the moment when you first received it, and all the feelings that came with it. and you miss who you were, and who they were, and the friendship you two once shared. well thats at least where i have found myself. its sad how people change, and how when before you had so much in common and the chemistry was so real, how suddenly you can just wake up one day and its gone. nostalgia i tell you - "a sentimental yearning for a happiness of a former place in time"

gosh. but all of this makes me sound like i am at a terrible place in my life which i want to escape, which i am TOTALLY not. i love my life, and the people in it and appreciate everything that has brought me to where i am today. it's just, i find myself wishing that some things, some relationships from the past, could have turned out differently. but hey, life is life right, and everything happens for a reason (gosh, i hate how cliche i sound).

so nostalgia, has taught me something tonight. and that is, if nothing else, learn to live in the moment everyday and capture everything you experience with a happy heart. don't ever let yourself regret anything, because before you know it you'll be wishing you could go back to that time in your life. appreciate every person that comes into your life, and don't allow them to become a character you wish was never cast in your script. and remember that it is a good thing to feel nostalgic every once in a while, hey its a sign you have lived a good life. just make sure not to dwell for too long - you might just miss out on the incredibly possibilites for happiness in the present.

the romantic era in history

so lately in class, we have been exploring the romantic era - mainly poetry - throughout history. english being my major, it is no wonder i have fallen completely head over heals in love with this period in time.

if you take a look at the breakdown of the romantic era, it it no wonder why it has swept me off my feet. originating in the second half of the 18th century (1780 to 1850 to be exact), the romantic era, which followed a period of strict laws, structure and physics, focused on the simplicity and beauty of nature, the world and emotions. emotions and the focus on the self was a huge part of the romantic era. the romantics opposed war, and the very nature of idustrial society. they believed that such society robbed individuals of their ability to think freely and be unique in thought. the romantic era saw the likes of william blake, william wordsworth, mary shelly, john keats, to name just a few. the facination with emotions can clearly be seen in blakes poem, entitled "london" (see below) blake is concerned with the way in which moral thinking, and the human mind has been influenced and corrupted by society’s power over what people are allowed to think and believe.

I wander thro' each charter'd street,
Near where the charter'd Thames does flow,
And mark in every face I meet
Marks of weakness, marks of woe.

In every cry of every Man,
In every Infant's cry of fear,
In every voice, in every ban,
The mind-forg'd manacles I hear.

How the Chimney-sweeper's cry
Every black'ning Church appalls;
And the hapless Soldier's sigh
Runs in blood down Palace walls.

But most thro' midnight streets I hear
How the youthful Harlot's curse
Blasts the new born Infant's tear,
And blights with plagues the Marriage hearse.

blake is concerned about the way in which the human minds are influnced and inhibited to think freely, due to societies influence over the individuals thought. a classical example of what romantic poets were concerned with during this time - they were speaking out against this lack of freedom of thought, and rather encouraging individuality.

which is why i love this era so much. if you look at todays world, not much has changed. everyday, we allow society, the media to tell us what is beautiful and what is acceptable. everyday we allow them to have control over our thoughts and ultimately our happiness. i believe, as i have said before, that we are the only ones who have control over what we think and believe. no one has the ability to climb inside your mind and think for you. society and the media are just there to make you feel worse about yourself, and encourage you to buy some fake-ass product that will make you feel 'prettier', 'happier', 'thinner', blah blah blah - its rubbish. you as an individual are beautiful beyond words. there is no one else in the world who has your thoughts, your intellect and your beauty.

love yourself, appreciate your individuality and marvel at your entire being. you are gorgeous and that alone should make you happy.

happiness is key to life, remember - don't allow anyone to take that away from you.

stress. what i have learnt (or have yet to learn) and how it affects our happiness.

so here is the thing.

in my life, i find myself in situations where i subconsciously, or consciously (who knows) exposing myself to large doses of stress. for someone who tries to fill their life with all that is simple, refreshing and soul-rewarding, stress seems to be a contradicting factor in my outlook on life. it seems as though it is conflicting, if not, the very opposite of my quest for complete happiness. however, strangley enough i have discovered the link between the two to be a lot stronger than one would have imagined it to be.

when given an assignment to do, or a task to complete, i will be the first person to not stress about it. in fact, the opposite is done. i don't even think about it at all, let alone worry about it. it is simply shoved to the back of my mind, not to be thought about until the utmost last minute when it needs to be. now one may think, surely if i deal with the task at hand, i will reduced the chance of becoming stressed out later, when i am desparately trying to finish it at the last minute. i must say, that does seems logical, and is probably correct, but does not work for me unfortunately.

see i live. i live and live and remain stress free until the moment where procrastination is no longer an option, and crunch time has hit. stress levels rise, and i find myself being thrown into a mount of work i had no time to stop and think about prior to this 'freak-out' stage. but here is the thing. i ALWAYS, without fail, get it done. and that feeling that is felt once you hit print, once you staple the pages together, once you gently slide that neatly composed document into the assignment box, a sense of euphoria is felt - like a huge weight has been lifted and the world looks and feels brighter and more positive than you have ever felt it to be.

so yes, i am an emotional junkie. i crave the extremes, happiness being my drug i will do anything to experience it at a higher level than before. and some my think it is super unhealthy, i however, feel it is necessary for me to live. for why live a life of mediocracy? simply doing everything on time, no stress, and a plain, old boring lie on monotomous emotion. i couldn't live like that. for every high there is a low. sometimes we need to hit a low in our lives, in order to remember how to appreciate those highs - to experience them like we are for the first time in our lives. that could not be possible, if we never experience a low. this goes for all things in life, i am not only speaking of the stress we encounter before a big assignment, exam or meeting. i am speaking about life in general. and life is a journey. happiness is a gift, something that should never be taken for granted. and i, i wish to experience it at an optimal level, every opportunity i get.

so yes, i am a procrastinator, a lover of the thrill of pressure and anxiety, i thrive off of it. and only when someone can say they have experienced the happiness and euphoria which follows, will truly be able to understand what i mean.

so stress is a good thing - it results in a happiness like no other. everything in life balances out. it always has, and no matter your situation - always will.

in life there are givers and receivers.

these past few weeks especially have really taught me something about life.

in life, there are those people who give, give of themselves, their thoughts, their emotions, their life stories and advice to others. then there are those people who are the recievers of these things. and sadly, one is generally one and not the other. either someone who gives, and never recieves, or someone who recieves and never gives. but its funny how the latter person will never admit to being who they are. it is then ever the more reason for those of us who fall 'victim' to the first characteristic, to step out and voice how we feel.

i am not sure about how you feel on this matter but i hav found myself in a place where i am constantly giving. giving advice, giving my ear for people to talk to me, my shoulder for some to cry on, my hand for those few to hold and most importantly, my time for people to occupy. this has served to be the most taxing on me.

its funny how for the period when people need you the most you become everything that they need. you're thoughts are occupied with their stories, your heart feels heavy and even breaks when theirs does, you put everything on hold when they need to talk to you. assignments are left unwritten until the last night, jobs are turned down, your own relationships suffer because you feel too consumed and emotionally drained by someone elses problems, that when it comes to your own, you simply cant deal. WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?

then, once their problems are fixed, and they are standing on top of their little world again, you become an after thought, you take the backseat. gosh, sometimes you are even kicked out of the car completely.
these kinds of people will always find their way into your life. and sometimes, thats ok. they strengthen you.

we need to look after our own wellbeing. we need to included givers into our lives as well. for we as givers, have far much more of a chance of finding more givers like ourselves, and having a balanced life, than those takers.

and when you find someone who can share this load with you, someone who you give so much to, and they give so much more back, and the cycle continues forever, then you know. you know that you have found someone worth fighting for. someone who your sacrifices are going to mean something to. this person in my life. he knows who he is. i love you in a way far greater than words could ever define.

what i have learnt about happiness

certain recent events have led me to wondering what it is that truly makes one happy, and how much we are willing to sacrifice in order to be happy.

someone very close to me, whom i love has recently found themselves in a situation where they need to choose between temporary loneliness for the chance when happiness will ultimately follow indefinately. or a life filled with patterns of heartache loneliness and anxiety, followed by moments of happiness, love and belonging. for me the answer seems so clear. rather remove yourself from a unstable environment where happiness is fickle and heartache is unavoidable and suffer a few months of sadness then live a life of roller coaset emotions. i am sad to announce this person has chosen the latter. they are willing to sacrifice their happiness for those fickle moments of love with this specific other.

now being in a long term relationship of nearly four years, i understand what it is like to feel as though you have given everything to someone and leaving them seems impossible. but i don't believe i would stay if i knew my happiness was going to be in someone else's control for the rest of my life. it is my happiness, ultimately my sanity, i want control of it.

which brings me to this. our happiness should be in our own hands. no one else has the ability to climb inside of our minds and control what we think. if something makes you sad, makes you anxious or feel worthless - get rid of it! yeah. if only it were that simple you might think. well it is. life is way too short to allow ourselves to be controlled by another.

happiness is sanity. and sanity is what we need in order to have a shot of happiness. happiness is what we need to get through this life. and life. it is what we need in order to live.

quotes that make one think a little.

there is nothing like a wonderful, insightful quote from a former or currently famous figure. these are some that make me think twice, and have me wanting to change the way i apply my mind to life.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

- Groucho Marx


Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

- Abraham Lincoln

Happiness, it seems to me, consists of two things: first, in being where you belong, and second -- and best -- in comfortably going through everyday life, that is, having had a good night's sleep and not being hurt by new shoes.

- Theodor Fontane

the start of something new.

life is what we make of it. there is no truer statement i believe. so much has happened in my life, so many downfalls, yet so many successes. i have realised that there is so much of life we can hate and reject. there are moments and introductions of people we can wish never occured. there are words we wish we could take back, and ones we wished we had said. and i hate to be cliche in my writing when i say that there is a high for every low and a to for every fro, because my life can easily stand as a testement to how that is not true for every individual. control is however.

we have so much control over our lives, we have no idea. the start of this blog is that piece of control for me. now one might ask why it is that people start up blogs. some may see it as an attention seeking forum where people can appear to be what they want and are to afraid to show beyond the comfort of their keyboards. some may even think of it as a means of boredom, procrastination and an escape from more productive things they know they should be doing. for me however, it is none of the above.

i am not concerned by who follows my blog. i am not going to be one of those girls that posts the link to their twitter, facebook or myspace pages in hopes of receiving large numbers of followers. no, my blog is for me. a place where i can document my thoughts and events so i can look back on them whenever i wish to. and if what is written within these posts happens to inspire others, then i am all the more happy for being able to do that.

this is a start of something new (with no intention of sounding like a cliche teen musical film). i am excited. there is so much in my life i look forward to sharing and documenting.

so here is to the power and control over our own happiness. the ability to make ourselves smile :) <3>